Hubby and I have been together for 7yrs (married 5). We have a beautiful daughter who is one year old.
Recently hubby put 10kgs back on and his snoring has returned. Now, i'm no spring chicken myself, but at least my weight isn't negatively impacting his life.
Anyway, with having a child to look after, a husband who is gone for work 13 hours a day and then goes out for a few hours on the weekend too, and not getting nearly enough comfortable solid sleep (the mattress is dying, and it's taking a while to afford a new one), I am finding myself just being angry at him all the time, and resentful of my life and wishing things were different- or worse, that i could just go to bed and stay there forever and never have to get up or do anything again.
I have told him that he needs to lose the weight again, and we have been taking turns sleeping on the couch. I also pointed out that when a married couple isn't sharing a bed (either for sleep or sex) it really doesn't seem like much of a marriage. And to that end, i just can't imagine being in the mood to have sex with him anymore. And it used to be HIM turning me down!!! So it's not like i'm a prude or anything.
Has anyone ever gone through a patch in their marriage where they just resented their husband so much? What do I do? How do you get through it? Is it normal?
I feel like I'm just being the world's biggest bi tc h most of the time. I miss how it used to be. :(What to do when you don't feel attracted to your husband anymore?
funny it seems like more men are getting fatter and us woman have to accept it....
they should look good and stay in shape when they are married as well, it is a turn off.What to do when you don't feel attracted to your husband anymore?
Suck it up! You both start eatting right and you get yourself a job to keep yourself busy and active.
If you have a relative to watch the daughter do that. Get on birth control. And no don't get a divorce that is the easy way out in life. You do what your grandparents did and work it out with him and make a good home life for that child you brought into the world. You chose that life so make the best of it.
I think alot of your attitude can be changed by you. A person can be happy and they can sad so you choose to be happy and make it work out.
im going through the exact same thing, we have an 18 month old daughter together, the only difference is were not married yet. I know exactly how your feeling, you want things to change, you dont like telling him about his flaws so you have to keep looking at him day in day out even though you want to be sick. but something is telling you to stay cos theres some love there. i really thought i was the only 1 too.
Marriage didn't turn out to be the bed of roses you expected? No problem. Just get a divorce. You're not happy and you have a right to be happy. Make yourself happy and leave him. Problem solved.
Are you only unhappy with your husband, or is this part of a bigger unhappiness with life in general? You have a young child, the two of you seem busy. The lowered libido might just be a side effect of everything else. I know that when my husband is working a lot and we don't have a lot of ';us'; time, I feel less attracted to him, and a lot less in the mood, and he's in great shape!
Find a way to work your schedules so that you can relax together regularly, at least once a week if possible. Find a friend to watch the baby, and go out for coffee, go for a walk, or just stay in and eat dinner together. If money is an issue for a baby sitter, maybe a friend with a kid would be willing to trade nights - she takes yours one night, you take hers another.
The other possibility that comes to mind is that you may - in addition to the busy schedules, etc. - have postpartum depression. This kind of unhappiness and tiredness can be due to the hormonal changes that happen after the birth of a child, and can last a long time. If you are having a lot of days where you just want to go to bed and not deal with life, please talk to a Dr. about this possibility. PPD can be easily treated for most people, and can give you more energy to deal with the many changes that become part of your life when you have a young child.
I think you are overlooking one issue.
Life as you knew it changed when you had your wonderful child. Your viewpoints and priorities are different.
You need to speak to him.
Personally, I would recommend that you put that little one in a stroller and start walking off those extra pounds. When you feel good about yourself the home will be a more loving place. Then toss the stroller in his direction when you want to go shopping or pamper yourself. Get him walking.
This is just a rough patch. Stick to it
Do you really think you're better of alone? Think how many women out there wish they had someone to care about them! Most important, think about your innocent little girl! Don't you want her growing up in loving and caring home? If you once loved your husband and you currently don't despise him you can love him again with a little effort! It's well worth the effort! DON'T try to fix him (by losing weight, etc.) or change him. Try working on yourself! Put on make up and dress up for him! Ask him out on a romantic date. Write down things you admire in him or appreciate (think about why you married him) and let him know sparingly. Remember how lucky you are to have a husband, and one who is not an abuser! The main thing is be happy and count your blessings! Good luck!
mine has gone up 3 pant sizes in 4 years. His entire family is overweight. They don't move much, and they eat a lot, and a lot of crap. I thought he was different, but seems to be following the family tradition. They have diabetes, take pills for high blood pressure, high cholesterol. The doctor told him that he had to lose 40 lbs, so he won't go back to the doctor for his check-up and prescription, because he is emberrassed that he just gained more weight. He drags me down, I want to go and be outside, run, ride a bike, hike, swim - but the only way we seem to be able to spend time together is if I am lazy with him. I asked him to help me move some furniture, he wouldn't even pick it up, just drag it on the floor. I don't get it. I don't buy food that's crap, I am very healthy. He goes out with the guys all the time, and drinks 1000 calorie drinks. It would help if he kept himself up, so even when I really dislike his personality, at least he would be good to look at. Guess not.
What are you doing to change things and make your marriage better? Anything? Or are you just sitting around b1tching and hoping things will get better on their own?
And maybe your weight IS impacting his life. Why not try to exercise together instead of just commenting about how fat he is? Go out for walks in the evenings, even if it's just a few times a week. Prepare healthier meals. Basically, get off your a$$ and make some changes yourself, make the time for them if it's that important to you.
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