I have had 3 miscarriages in 2 years, one on March 6th, 2009, one on December 27th, 2009 and one on February 14th, 2010. I was 8 weeks with the first, 5 with the second, and 4 with the third. I miscarried because I have pcos (polycystic ovary syndrome). I really never allowed myself to fully grieve for the babies I lost. With the first one that March it was really painful for me emotionally because I miscarried the day before my nephew was born, and I had promised to be my SIL labor coach so to go from losing my baby to helping her deliver hers in less than 24 hours I had a lot of jealousy issues. That was the worst one. Then I found out on Christmas I was pregnant, and decided to tell everyone, then miscarried 2 days later. So explaining it was just so hard. Then the last was Valentine's Day and I started bleeding while out to dinner, I was getting ready to break the news to my husband. All three were nightmares. I always thought the first two were boys and the last was a girl I don't know why I just did. Anyways I feel like their lives were never really acknowledged the way they should have been. They were my children, no matter how little. I want to name them but my husband hates the idea I think because it was especially hard for him too and he doesn't want to face it. Is it weird? Life has really been a mess for me lately and this is what I need to start the process of recovery in a lot of ways. Any other helpful advice?Is it weird to name the babies I miscarried? 3 very traumatic losses.?
I am so, so very sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine the pain that 3 miscarriages would bring, but my heart really goes out to you and your husband. To answer your question, I don't think it's weird at all to want to name those babies you lost. They were still lives, and to quote Dr. Seuss, ';A person is a person, no matter how small.'; It is understandable for your husband to not want to do this - it probably makes the pain come back especially because it would make it seem so much more personal to name the babies. But I think it's perfectly normal to want to do this, and it is something I would actually probably do in your case as well. In my opinion (and not at all to say your husband is wrong), I think the babies deserve to have names, because as you said they were still your children. I wish you and your husband all the best.Is it weird to name the babies I miscarried? 3 very traumatic losses.?
No I don't think it's weird to name the children that you lost, so I say go ahead and name them if you wish and may the Goddess Bless you with children!
yes -but it is no one's place to judge your choices. have you attended grief counseling?
I think that if naming them will help you grieve and recover, then by all means do it. it might also help to make a little memorial for them or get something in remembrance of them -- I've heard of women getting birthstone necklaces or rings with their baby's birthstone on them. you could plant a tree or some flowers in their memory too. I understand not wanting to forget about them like they didn't exist -- they did, even if it was briefly. I'm so sorry for your losses. I think that if doing something like that will help you to begin the recovery process then you're absolutely allowed to do that. it sounds like you haven't allowed yourself to fully grieve and continue on.
BUT if doing things like that starts to make you more upset or you find yourself continuing to think about your miscarriages, then it'd be wise to seek some sort of counseling. I'm sure your OB could refer you to someone. as far as I'm concerned, you do what ya gotta do -- but if you find yourself continuing to dwell on it and not moving forward, it might be time to seek some other outlets.
Oh hun, I am so sorry you've had to go through this. I've had two miscarriages myself and know the devastating pain that comes with it. Losing a baby is a deep wound that never quite seems to fully heal, but it does get better. No, there is nothing wrong with naming the children you have lost. Everyone grieves in their own way, and if this is something that will help you heal, then you should do it. What worked best for me was finding a good support site where I could talk to other women who have been through the same experiences and talking with my sister. If your husband is having a hard time communicating his grief, then find a close friend or family member to talk to. Whether you realize it or not, those closest to you want to help, but they just don't know how. If they're not talking about your losses, it is because they are afraid they will cause you more pain. Reach out to them, tell them what you are feeling and ask for their support. Trust me, they'll be there, even if you don't want to talk but just need a shoulder to cry on.
(((hugs))) Email or IM me if you ever need to talk, or just an ear to listen as you vent. (I'm serious, not just being nice!)
http://www.angelsinheaven.org/
This site has some great info on the grieving process, how to make it through and fantastic resources, as well as links to support sites where you can talk to other women going through the same struggle.
http://www.americanpregnancy.org/pregnan鈥?/a>
I miscarried, and I would not do this. I think...
';They were my children, no matter how little.';
Yes. But I think you might feel differently when you have a baby you can see and feel. Pregnancy loss is devastating but -- and I am trying to be kind here and hope this does not seem harsh -- pregnancy loss is pregnancy loss, not the loss of a child.
You won't forget, but time does heal, so hang in there.
I myself have had 2 losses and I named the first persephone (which would have been her name in life) my second loss I grieve for 4 months and never named because I was pregnant again and was sure it was my princess coming back to me. I felt crazy explaing to ppl that I just knew it wasn't time for her before and now she was rdy. I think its fine to name the babies we have lost and I know several women who do. Hope this helps you, good luck and God bless.
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