How can you tell if your husband is staying with you just for the kids?

My husband and I have been married for 10 years. We have 2 young boys (8 %26amp; 6). We never have sex, go anywhere together or even really talk anymore. I have tried everything I can think of. I've told him over %26amp; over about the way I feel and have asked him how he feels. He says he loves me and things will get better but it never does. I'm lost I don't know what to do anymore.


Any thoughts??How can you tell if your husband is staying with you just for the kids?
Sounds like he is depressed. I could be an outside influence or it could be from inside the marriage.





You have only spent a year as a couple before you became pregnant and if typical, you haven't had much time or energy for worrying about lovemaking until after the youngest was at least 4 or 5.





I don't know - I can only guess, but rarely are such things a one way street with only one partner participating. By this I mean, where have your been for the last decade? This clearly didn't just happen but it sounds like you just noticed in the last year or two.





I have watched a lot of couples and there are some things that commonly happen or that I suspect may hvae happened. If they don't apply in your case - fine - discard them - if they do - then it may give you a starting point.





I suspect you have been so consumed with the responsibilities of motherhood that until fairly recently you ddin't take the time to worry about the lack of a real marriage or sexual intimacy. I also suspect that a part of his depression comes from his feelings of rejection. His own children have taken from him the woman he loves - he can't get mad at them so he turns his feelings inward and hence we get depression - anger turned inward.





I further suspect That he had tried frequently to initiate sex in the early years of the marriage, but you were too tired, too drained by hormonal issues postpartum, or just plain fatigued. Men tend to have fairly fragile egos and after continual rejection he probably began to back off. If anything this may have even pleased you at the time - one less thing on your endless ';to do'; list. But now you to hardly know each other mentally, emotionally, or sexually and it is pretty darn hard to have a fulfilling relationship or even a solely sexual one, with a spouse who has become a stranger





You two would beneift from some counseling if you both can enter in with open minds. This sounds solvable but not on your own. You two simply do not seem to have the problem solving tools to succeed in somethng this complexHow can you tell if your husband is staying with you just for the kids?
Things wont get better if they go on the same - someone has to make an effort. If he wont go out - go with a g/f - movies regularly for example


Can you go away for a weekend sometimes - relative or good friend? Dont let him take you for granted.


Try to have some interests and suggest a baby sitter and go out together just the two of you.


But try hard to have a life of your own if he wont go out you go out and have some fun. Life's too short to mope about wishing it will change - be pro-active.


It could wake him up a bit
In the first place KIDS NEVER BENEFIT by being stuck with two unhappy, miserable parents!


Staying 'for the kids' is a pathetic, rotten LIE, in my experience and opinion. They stay for FEAR, IGNORANCE, SPITE, LAZINESS, STUPIDITY and others - but never 'for the kids'!


If it never gets better and you have seriously 'tried everything' TAKE THE KIDS AND GET OUT!


Us kids would have been way better off if our unhappy parents had tossed in the towel YEARS before they finally did! We lost a lot of time and happiness by being stuck with our HORRIBLE parents all those years!





FOR YOUR KID'S SAKE,


do whatever it takes to protect them from being ruined in a rotten family.
Listen up.If for the past 10 yrs you haven't been having sex and nothing you say seem to change the situation then its something going on outside the marriage. If you haven't already, try spiritual counseling. Go to your church and ask for marriage counseling. If hubby isn't willing to do that then something is definitely up. Good luck
men go through changes sometimes they do not care for sex routine or just get tired of same ole same ole let him go buy a motorcycle or something make him get a new hobby he will be excited with new hobby then he will come home talking about it and if you are interested in the other person they are happy then





so you need to find a hobby he likes and you both do it together and get in unity on a goal





get in politics or your local church


set some goals but find the passion not just any hobby it has to be a long term goal and then you have something in common not just baby sitting





thats all and good but men need goals we like to conquer a new thing





trust me


find a hobby that you both can do together then you will not even think about this question





my answer is the best answer for sure
Well you already know what the signs are.





Now here is the way to get him back.





Let every gripe, hurt he has done, resentment ''Go'' ...and do this.


You have to act like his naughty girlfriend in the bedroom.


The rest of the time you need to act like his buddy, drink a beer loosen up take a interest in his hobbies.


DON'T ever ask him to sit down and we need to talk ''Ever'' again. Keep this up with out fail you will see a new love in your home.





TRY it it can't hurt.
Arrange for a baby sitter and a romantic night.





Without communication it would be difficult to tell if he is still in it for the kids. But that is a good reason to stick with a marriage.
Is HE not interested in sex?


Is HE not interested in communication?





When did that start?


What has changed?


Has he gained weight?


Have you gained weight?


Do you have serious financial issues?
Get naked in front of the mirror and ask yourself, would you want that ?


He aint going to tell you you are fat, but if you dont get him a woody he aint going to take you anywhere either.
Wow. This is a very serious question. I believe your husband 100% does not stay with you just for the kids. That's for sure.
thats marriage
Ask him again. Is he depressed?
If he's staying because of the kids, then you've got a good man over there.





At least he's not saying, ';I'm sorry, but I need to be happy, therefore I'm breaking up our home and our family, because I'm miserable, and my happiness matters more than yours or our kids' does.';





Im all honesty, talking about feelings is one sure way to turn your guy off. Men are more task and action oriented.





If you want to improve your marriage, SHOW HIM.





When's the last time that you walked over to him out of the blue, put a hand on his face and kissed him for longer than 5 seconds - I mean, a real, slow, sexy, butt-grabbin', deep kiss, the kind of kiss that says ';I'm so hot for you that I don't know what to do with myself?';, and that doesn't end until you're both breathing hard? When is the last time YOU did that?





When's the last time that you stood next to him while he shaved and just watched him, and when he asked why you're watching him, you said, ';Because you're just so damned handsome?';





When's the last time that you cooked him his favorite dinner every night for a week, just because you can?





Have you surprised him in the shower lately, and told him how strenuous it is to wash your own back, and that you wanted to help him because you didn't want him to hurt himself (of course, you don't stop at his back ... *wink*)?





Did you send him a hot text in the past few days telling him how happy you are that he's your husband, and how much you appreciate him as a father and for all that he does for the boys?





Do you ever take his hand at breakfast on a Sunday morning, look him in the face and say to him that you love being his wife, that he's the only man for you, and that you can't imagine your life without him in it?





If the kids are home with you when he gets home from work tonight, gather them up at the door and have a 30 second party, ';Daddys home !! Woo hoooo - let's get him!'; and have the boys give him hugs and kisses (you, too, mom - jump in anytime!) and then take his briefcase or whatever is in his hands, set it aside, and leave him alone for 10 minutes. Let him wind down before you hit him with whatever stuff happened during the day. Give him a minute to pee, ok? Start doing that every day, and watch what happens.





ALL of these things require little physical or mental effort, but if you started doing this stuff on a regular basis (but not laying it on too thick, you know what I mean?), watch what happens.





If you want to know how to wow him, I'll give you a hint: Men need to feel like they're the warrior every single day, slaying the dragon and bringing home the spoils (read: their hard earned paychecks) to kith and kin, so that you can stay in the place you live in, and have all the things you want. Even if the ';dragon'; is just numbers marching down a spread sheet, or clogged pipes or whatever he does for a living - your man needs to feel like HE is the most important thing in your life - BEFORE the kids.





If mom and dad don't have a strong marriage, the kids won't have a strong, solid foundation. This is a common mistake that everyone makes ';kids come first.'; Well, yes - they come before extended family and friends, and all parents make sacrifices in order that their kids have a happy life. Having said that, when the kids start coming before the marriage, you are doomed to fail.





YOU have to start putting HIM first. (Don't get all ';but what about him? When's he gonna put ME first?'; He's not the one in here asking for thoughts or advice). This is my advice to YOU.





So, what are YOU prepared to do in order to love him up a little more, and make him feel special, loved, needed and wanted? ALL men need that, and if you start demonstrating how important he is, and if he's a good man who wants a happy marriage and a happy wife, give it a few weeks and you'll have a changed man and a new marriage.





If he says he loves you, then believe it. He hasn't left yet, right?





What are you prepared to do?





*big hug* and best of luck to you and your man